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WTF is wrong with me?

What the fuck is wrong with me? I risked my life since I was 5, growing up surviving train accidents, gunshots, Police, angry K9 units, fight nights, pop offs and then now I need to commit my life to being with you and declare my love infront of your folks and take it to church but i'm getting in my own way, WTF? I think I know what I need to do!
Logic says getting married is a one sided deal and I should not get into it but being logical doesn't seem to leave any room for happiness.

What the fuck? how can I be ready to risk my life for everything else and then turn out to be too scared to grow old with you? given, you will drive me crazy for the rest of my life but I will never be happy without you, i've known that since I first saw you and I'm still saying it "I saw you first and I just knew :) it was you

I've never hated anybody, the way that I hate you but I've never hated anybody before and if I hate you why do I pray for you when I go to sleep, why do I fear passing you on the street, silly things stir up deep memories of you, am I pretending I forgot you? is it even working, I can't even fool myself, things got out of hand but you never stoped being everything to me and maybe I was too logical about our goote...maybe I was wrong and maybe you weren't helping nawe...maybe I didn't handle things so well nam...I know one thing for sure, mna nawe we was meant to be on each others necks for more than just a lifetime and to deny lanto is an injustice to creation and the creator, I can't live my life wondering if you're okay kulondawo ukuyo...I know that you are the one, don't even wonder mna ndiqinisekile.

It's a pain to my heart, noba andikh' aph' eKapa but Xandimamele

Dis-claimer:
I'm not writing this, it is being wrotten by my thumbs and some crazy section of my brain that just went on-line, I here by maintain no involvement in what has be wrotten upstairs ;)
©2014 African House Movement #nguSaint

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